


I'm bleeding because of you

by Chopiano



Series: Palermo is bleeding [1]
Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Crying, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Kissing, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:54:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25841677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chopiano/pseuds/Chopiano
Summary: Andrés wanted to feel the same fiery lips that kissed him passionately, but instead he only felt cold, lifeless lips against his and that fact brought tears to his eyes.Or: Andrés is confused about his feelings and he hurts Martín. Martín hurts himself and Andrés tries to save him and make everything up to him.There is a lot of crying and blood.
Relationships: Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa & Palermo | Martín Berrote, Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Palermo | Martín Berrote
Series: Palermo is bleeding [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901062
Comments: 28
Kudos: 185





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fic ever… So I would really appreciate feedback. I hope you like it.

Andrés wanted to explain to Martín as gently as possible that it would be best if they would no longer see each other. But unfortunately, the evening did not go as Andrés had imagined. After Andrés started talking about love and soul mates, Martín quickly understood what he was trying to say, after all, he wasn't stupid. But Martín didn’t want to accept the goodbye and he knew that the only way not to lose Andrés was to show that he couldn’t live without him. So, Martín gathered all his courage and kissed Andrés passionately. Andrés was very surprised and unable to react, but he didn’t push back either. Martín put one hand on the back of his neck and the other ran tenderly through Andrés hair. Martín's kiss was full of love and he could have gone on for hours, but he noticed that Andrés was standing very stiff in front of him. Martín knew Andrés well, maybe even better than himself, and he knew exactly what he had to say in order to provoke him.

"You're a coward," said Martín, kissing him again. And this sentence had its effect. Andrés pressed him against the wall of the monastery and kissed Martín passionately. Martín was briefly surprised by Andrés intense reaction, but he was the last to complain. What he had wanted for 10 years was actually happening. Andrés kissed him and Martín didn't waste a second. He pulled him closer and wrapped his hands around him. Their tongues fought for dominance and Martín couldn't help but moan softly.

At that moment Andrés interrupted the kiss. He really loved Martín, but not in that way.  
"It is impossible", said Andrés in a trembling voice, as if he had to convince himself and not Martín. He broke away from Martín, who was looking at him with shocked eyes. Tears were already running over his cheeks and Andrés could see the pain in his eyes.

"Andrés, please ... I'm sorry ...", Martín sobbed. Andrés had broken his heart and Martín was just a heap of misery. Andrés couldn't stand his sight anymore and he turned away. What surprised him was that his heart also hurt and he had tears in his eyes too. He couldn't think clearly anymore, he just wanted to disappear as quickly as possible. Andrés said a few quick words of goodbye, and without turning around again, Andrés walked (or you could say ran) down the corridor and left the monastery. 

Both men knew that it was a final goodbye.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Andrés got into his car and wiped his tears from his face. He hadn't felt that bad in a long time. There were so many thoughts in his head. He sighed and drove to the restaurant where he had a rendezvous with his girlfriend Tatiana. She was already waiting for him and she smiled when she saw him. He sat down next to her and she gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Andrés couldn't help thinking about the kiss with Martín and how much better it felt with him. When he kissed Tatiana, he didn't feel anything, he always thought that it was true love when he kissed her, but at that moment he didn't feel the same tingling and passion as with Martín. And that fact somehow worried and confused him.

Tatiana eyed him critically. His eyes were still slightly red, his hair was wildly sticking out of his head and Andrés looked lost in thought. That was unusual, after all, he usually looked like perfection.  
"What's up honey?" she asked him, tenderly placing her hand on his. Andrés tried to pull himself together and gave her a tentative smile.  
"Nothing to worry about… It's just that Martín and I can no longer work together and that's why I said goodbye to him". Andrés sighed and looked into her face. Tatiana seemed very pleased with this news, she laughed with relief and pressed herself closer to Andrés.

“Oh honey, you don't have to be sad. Martín is not worth it. He was so annoying. He always ran after you like a dog, he wanted to do everything with you, he was always between us and he was just talking nonsense all the time. I never understood why you didn't throw this piece of shit out of your house earlier”. Andrés pushed her away and looked at her with shocked eyes.  
“How can you say something like that? Martín is my best friend!”  
“Andrés, listen to me ...”.  
"No". He got up and went outside. Andrés no longer knew what to think, he was confused and angry. He was only sure that Tatiana was a fucking bitch. She always pretended to like Martín. Whoever insulted Martín also insulted him and therefore he now knew that he didn't want to spend another second with Tatiana. So he went back to her table and broke up with her.

He ran to his car and drove to a hotel. He didn’t want to return to the monastery at the moment and Tatiana would track him down in his other apartment. He threw himself on the bed without changing, after all he hadn't taken any other clothes with him. He just wanted to fall asleep as quickly as possible and forget all of today's events. The next day, he would go to Sergio and hopefully everything would be fine again. Sergio was currently living in a large warehouse, very close to the monastery, where he was preparing for his next heist and storing certain equipment.

Even though Andrés was tired, he couldn't fall asleep. He kept thinking of Martín, the kiss and Martín's tear-filled blue eyes. He had hurt Martín and it made him feel heartbroken that he was responsible for Martín's pain. Andrés tried to convince himself that he had only kissed Martín in order not to be a coward. But now he realized that he was kissing him because he wanted to. Because Martín's lips felt so good and he couldn't get enough. He wanted more, he longed for another kiss and would do anything to have Martín so close again. But Andrés was an idiot, a coward who had to destroy everything. He had broken Martín and would never get him back because his act was unforgivable.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

With tears in his eyes, Martín looked at Andrés, who was leaving the monastery. His tears ran down his cheeks. He cried loudly and was trembling all over. He collided with the wall and landed on the hard floor. Martín no longer understood anything, he felt empty and broken. He didn’t know, what he had done wrong. His whole body ached and he cried for hours, he had completely lost track of time. He cried until his body could no longer produce tears. He knew that Andrés didn't love him the way he loved him but Martín was content with his friendship. As long as Andrés was with him, he was happy. Without him, he couldn't live. Andrés was like his air to breathe, his elixir of life that kept him alive. But Andrés left him, discriminatively telling Martín that he wasn't good enough for him. For a few seconds he had got what he had been dreaming of for over 10 years, just so that everything could be taken from him again the next moment. He had never felt pain like this in his life and he couldn’t stand it any longer.

So he crawled to his desk and took out the two bottles of wine that he stowed in it. He wanted to drink himself unconscious to forget the pain. He drank and cried and continued to drink until the first bottle was empty and he opened the second one, drank and cried again until it was almost empty and he lost consciousness.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

At some point Andrés had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion, but even in his dreams he was confronted with the events of the evening. However, the dream somehow felt different, particularly clear and real:

Martín and Andrés stood in the monastery and kissed passionately. Andrés pressed him firmly against the wall and pressed their bodies close together. Their hands explored each other's bodies. Andrés spread kisses on Martín's cheek, jawline and neck and ran his tongue over Martín's hot skin. Martín pulled up Andrés head and united their lips again until both struggled for air. It felt so indescribably beautiful that Andrés never wanted to separate again. But when Martín whispers a soft "I love you" between two kisses, something unexpected happened.  
Andrés pushed Martín away and stabbed him in the heart with a dagger that somehow had suddenly appeared in his hand. Martín let out a painful scream and looked at Andrés with shocked eyes. The dagger was in the middle of Martín's chest and went exactly through Martín's heart. Blood gushed from the wound and Martín groaned in pain. He put a hand on his bleeding chest and staggered backwards until he hit the wall. Martín sank to the floor, where a huge pool of blood immediately formed. He was panting heavily, gasping for air when suddenly blood ran out of his mouth. Martín looked at Andrés with the same tearful eyes with which he had looked at him just a few hours ago.  
"Andrés, help me ... please," gasped Martín with his last strength, choking on his own blood. But Andrés stood motionless next to him, unable to move. He wanted to help him, save him, whisper apologetic and lovable words but none of this happened. He was rooted to the ground, unable to move and condemned to watch Martín die.

Andrés woke up from his sleep and he breathed heavily. He needed a moment to understand that it was just a nightmare. Unfortunately, most of the things had actually happened. He hadn't really torn Martín's heart to pieces, but in some way, he had broken his heart and he had seen the same pain in Martín's eyes.

Andrés couldn't even remember how he got to his car, but now, in the middle of the night, he was on his way back to the monastery. It was as if an invisible hand had taken him there. Andrés was actually someone who never apologized to anyone, but he knew that he absolutely had to see Martín now. He had to speak to him immediately and apologize to him. He just couldn't take his guilt anymore and he longed to be by his side. However, the closer he got to the monastery, the more a bad feeling spread through him.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Martín slowly regained consciousness. He was lying on the floor trying to sit up slowly. Everything turned and he felt sick. He tried to take a deep breath and calm down, but failed miserably. He immediately thought of Andrés, that he had left him and his whole body shook as he cried again. He was pathetic. He knew that he was a nobody without Andrés, that he couldn’t live without him. Andrés was the only good thing in his life so far and it was an unbearable pain that Andrés was now gone. All his happiness was gone and only misery remained. He knew that the only way to suppress this pain was to pass out.

Martín dragged himself to his desk to get more alcohol. To his dismay, his supply had already run out. So he pulled himself up at the table. Everything turned and he had to hold on to the table to avoid falling over immediately. His stomach turned and Martín had to vomit. He puked in the middle of the carpet and for a moment he thought about how upset Andrés will be and that thought made him laugh hysterically. The next moment Martín was furious. He was so angry with Andrés and with himself because he always seemed to do something wrong and was pushed back and abandoned by everyone in his life. In his anger he threw all things off his table, he tore paintings off the walls and broke everything that got in his way. It looked like a tornado had raged in the room.

Martín picked up an empty wine bottle and smashed it against the wall. The bottle broke and a few small pieces of broken glass were thrown back and got stuck in his neck and lower half of his face. The little stings were painful, but Martín enjoyed that pain. He was even disappointed that the pain was almost over after a few seconds. He longed for more pain because he deserved it. He looked at the broken bottle neck in his hand and at that moment he knew what he had to do. If he couldn't drink himself unconscious again, there was only one option left; 

death.

Then everything would be black and all his worries and pains would be gone forever. So Martín led the broken glass to the inside of his left wrist and without thinking too long about it he pressed the glass deeply into his skin and pulled it up to his elbow with full force. He stared at the deep wound from which dark red blood immediately spurted. He was shocked because actually he didn’t want to die this way but on the other hand, he was deeply satisfied, almost proud that he had done it. Martín wanted to sit in his chair, but stumbled over his own feet because of his high alcohol level and blood loss. He hit his head hard on the desk. The impact knocked him out immediately and he fell on the floor where he remained motionless and bleeding to death.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the nice comments and kudos, I was very happy about it. Here is the next chapter (TW for blood) and I hope you like it.

Andrés entered the monastery and made his way to the study. He stopped at the door and heard how glass broke. He knew how emotional Martín could get and when he was angry, he was hard to control. Andrés thought that it would be better to talk to Martín in the morning, when he had calmed down a bit. Otherwise a reasonable conversation wouldn’t be possible. So Andrés turned around and wanted to go back to his car when he suddenly heard a thud. He didn't know why, but his heart suddenly started racing and he knocked on the door. Something deep inside him told him, that he had to talk to Martín immediately.  
“Martín, please open the door”. No reaction, just endless silence.  
"Please Martín. I have to talk to you". But no answer came again. That was unusual because Martín was never silent, he always had something to say, even if it was just an insult. That's why Andrés was very worried. He wanted to open the door but it was locked.  
"Martín, if you don't open the door now, I'll kick it in". Again, there was no answer and Andrés kicked the door open. The monastery was old and luckily the doors were not really robust.

The room was a complete mess and everything was spread out on the floor. Martín had always been a storm of emotions, so this wasn’t surprising. Andrés looked around when he suddenly saw Martín lying on the floor next to his desk. He hurried over to him and looked down at him. He was bleeding profusely and his clothes were already soaked with blood. Andrés stopped in shock, unable to move, as it had been in his dream.  
"Martín," he whispered in horror and he was able to free himself from his shock.  
Andrés discovered the heavily bleeding wound on Martín's forearm. He immediately took off his coat and pressed it firmly against the wound. He wrapped the fabric around his arm and knelt on it to put pressure on the wound. Andrés put two fingers on Martín's neck to feel his pulse. He could feel a slight pulse and Martín's shallow breathing. Andrés looked down at Martín, he was pale, small pieces of glass were stuck in his neck, next to his right hand lay the broken bottle neck. Only now did Andrés realize that Martín had probably inflicted the wound himself just a few seconds ago.  
“Martín ... I am so sorry!" he sobbed. "You aren’t allowed to die!"

Andrés had to get help, but he couldn't call an ambulance because that could lead to problems with the police... So there was only one option left;  
Sergio.  
He had medical knowledge, the necessary material in his storage room and he was only about 5 minutes away. So he hastily dialed his number with his bloodstained fingers. Even though it was the middle of the night, Sergio picked up immediately.  
“Andrés?”  
“Sergio, you have to come to the monastery immediately. Bring all of your medical equipment and the blood supplies 0-negative. Martín is bleeding heavily ... please hurry.“  
"I'll be there in 5 minutes!" without further questions, Sergio hung up the phone.

Andrés breathed a sigh of relief, just hoping Sergio would come in time. Andrés looked again at Martín, who was lying motionless on the ground. Only now did he see that Martín also had a slightly bleeding wound on the back of his head. He concluded that Martín had hit his head on the desk. However, his arm was still bleeding heavily and this was the main problem. The coat was already soaked in blood. So Andrés took off his shirt and wrapped it tightly around his arm as a new bandage. But suddenly Martín's whole body started to twitch and he made strange noises. His breathing snapped and Andrés undid his tie and opened Martín's shirt so he could breathe better. He took Martín's face in his hands and said gently: “Martín, breathe calmly. Help is on the way! Please hold on.”  
In fact, Martín's breathing calmed down a bit. Andrés gently stroked his upper body and thought about how much he wanted to touch him there under very different circumstances.

He heard Martín inhale and exhale again but then he didn’t raise his chest again. Andrés leaned over Martín to check his breathing, but he couldn't feel any breath. So he put his fingers to his neck but he couldn't feel his pulse either.  
"No…. Cariño... Sergio will be right here ... » sobbed Andrés. He pressed his hands on Martín's torso above his heart and began resuscitation. After thirty compressions, he leaned over Martín's face, pressed their lips together to fill Martín’s lungs with oxygen.

He wanted to feel the same fiery lips that kissed him passionately, but instead he only felt cold, lifeless lips against his and that fact brought tears to his eyes. He continued with the compressions when he suddenly heard steps approaching. Sergio and Marseille (who must have been in the warehouse with Sergio to help him prepare for the next heist) came into the room, fully packed with several bags. And then everything happened very quickly.

Martín was injected with several medications and blood supplies were attached. A defibrillator even made Martín's heart start to beat again and Martín could breathe independently again. His vital signs were visible on a small beeping screen and extremely critical. Marseille sewed Martín's arm together and Sergio took care of his head.  
"Fuck, we don't have enough blood ... we need more," Sergio said and this released Andrés from his shock.  
"You can take blood from me ... I have the same blood type as Martín" said Andrés. Sergio nodded, prepared everything and started to take blood.  
"Take as much as you need" said Andrés.  
“We can't take too much Andrés, otherwise you will pass out.”  
"I don’t care. Martín just needs to survive”, Andrés whispered and Sergio gave him a worried look. When Sergio was done, Andrés sat exhausted in the chair and watched as Martín was taken care of. The thought that his own blood was now flowing into Martín's body and was becoming a part of him excited Andrés to a certain extent.  
All wounds were bandaged and even the small glass pieces were removed from Martín’s skin. The small beeping screen showed slightly better values. Andrés got up and took a closer look at Martín. He looked terrible ... He was covered in blood everywhere and extremely pale. A hematoma had formed on his chest from the strong compressions.

Martín was carefully carried into his bed and laid there in only his underpants. Sergio cleaned the blood from him and covered him with a blanket while Marseille cleaned up the study. Andrés stared at Martín, unable to look away from the pale, lifeless body in front of him. Sergio came up to him and hugged him tightly.  
"Shh ... Andrés, everything will be fine. Martín is still alive." Sergio wiped the tears from Andrés cheeks and looked at him with concern. He had never seen his brother in such a bad condition before. Andrés hadn't even noticed that he was crying and a trembling mess. He was just so relieved that Sergio and Marseille had come in time. He hugged Sergio closer to him.  
"I'm so sorry ... it's all my fault," he stammered. Sergio gently stroked his back and whispered soothing words into his ear. After a while they separated and Andrés was glad that Sergio hadn't asked any uncomfortable questions.  
“Come on Andrés. Go to the bathroom and wash yourself. I will bring you fresh clothes.”  
“I can't leave, I have to stay here”.  
“Andrés ... everything is fine. We pumped him so full of medications that he won't wake up in the next 24 hours. You have to rest".  
So Andrés was pulled into the shower and got really sick when he washed away all of Martín's blood which stuck to him and didn’t seem to come off. He got dressed and went back to Martín's room where Sergio was already waiting for him. 

Sergio pressed a glass of water into his hand, in which he had secretly mixed sedatives and sleeping pills. Andrés drank the glass of water and thanked him.  
“Everything looks fine. Marseille will go back to the warehouse, but I will stay here in the monastery.”  
"Thanks Sergio," said Andrés, pulling him into an embrace.  
"Lie next to Martín and try to sleep, you should rest". Sergio pulled Andrés to the bed and pushed him gently onto it. Andrés lay down because he suddenly felt very tired.  
"Sleep well" said Sergio. He put out the light and left the room.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Andrés woke up in the late afternoon. He had fallen asleep immediately and had a quiet, deep sleep. He was sure that Sergio had mixed something into his water, otherwise he would never have fallen asleep so easily. Andrés turned to the side and looked at Martín. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully. He was still pale, but his face had already taken on some color. Andrés put a hand sideways in Martín's hair and played with his little brown curls. Martín's last visit to the barber was a while ago, but Andrés liked it when Martín's hair was a bit longer because it looked great on him. Andrés stayed like this for a while before he got up and was looking for Sergio. He stood in the kitchen and was cooking.  
"Hi Andrés, how are you feeling?"  
"Okay"  
"Is Martín okay too?"  
"I think he seems to be doing well… given the circumstances."  
"I'll check on him again after dinner."  
Sergio sat down next to Andrés and served him the food. The two ate and remained silent until Sergio's curiosity grew too big and he asked: “Andrés, what happened yesterday? I think it would be good if you talk about it ...”

"Mhh ... I don't know how to explain it ... I told him that I'm going to leave him".  
"Andrés... But surely more happened?"  
Andrés sighed. “Well ... we kissed. And after that I was totally confused. I was a coward and I left Martín in a very humiliating way and obviously hurt him really bad. I just totally screwed up and was such an idiot… And then I broke up with Tatiana because I realized that I didn’t love her. I had such a bad conscience and I wanted to apologize to Martín because I realized that I’ve made a mistake… and then I found him covered in blood and…"  
“Shh… Andrés calm down.” Sergio took Andrés's hand because he was almost crying again. “Everything will be fine. Martín is getting well again”.  
“The last few hours have been the worst of my life so far. I could never have forgiven myself if he had died. I don't know how I could have been so blind, ignorant and egocentric. I was always looking for the love of my life and I just now understood that my true love had been right in front of my eyes for the past 10 years. There was an extraordinary bond between us and I'm just angry at myself that I destroyed our wonderful relationship. I have to live with that guilt now, but I'm just glad that you came in time and saved him.”  
Sergio gave him an encouraging smile. “You have to talk to him and give him some time. I think everything will be fine. In the end, those who belong together will be together”.  
Andrés nodded with a sad smile and hoped that Sergio would be right.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Sergio changed Martín's bandages and took care of all the other stuff.  
“Everything looks good so far. I think he should wake up in the next few hours, but probably drift away again. After that, it will probably be a few more hours before he fully wakes up”. Sergio explained to Andrés what he had to do and then left the monastery.  
"Just call me if there is something wrong and keep me up to date".

After Sergio had left, Andrés sat down on a chair that he had pulled over to Martín's bed. He took Martín's hand in his and stroked it gently. He sank into memories of past heists and the best moments he had spent with Martín. For several hours he looked at Martín as his chest rose and fell and waited for him to finally wake up.

Suddenly, Andrés felt Martín's fingers move slightly. His breathing changed and quiet moans were audible. Andrés got up and put his hand on Martín's cheek.  
"Martín ... Martín wake up" he said softly and Martín actually opened his eyes slowly. He blinked several times and looked at Andrés, who gave him an extremely happy smile.  
"An...drés?" croaked Martín, who closed his eyes again.  
"How are you? Do you feel any pain?" but Martín had fallen asleep again and didn't answer. Andrés sighed and sat back in the chair. He took Martín's hand in his again and caressed it. At some point, however, he was so tired that he put his head on the mattress next to Martín's hand and fell asleep.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Martín felt a sharp pain on the back of his head. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked several times for his eyes to adjust to the brightness. Everything turned and he couldn't think clearly. He realized that he was lying in his bed in the monastery. He understood that something must have happened to him, but he couldn't remember what. He looked to the right and saw Andrés sitting on a chair but with his head on the mattress. He seemed to be sleeping in this very uncomfortable position. To his surprise, Andrés held his hand. Martín smiled and enjoyed the touch. He had imagined walking through the city with Andrés holding hands so often. So he tried to enjoy the touch as long as possible and not wake Andrés up. But after a while, a wave of pain came over him and he groaned loudly.

Andrés immediately woke up and raised his head and looked into Martín's open blue eyes. "Martín, you’re awake?... How do you feel, are you in severe pain?"  
Martín nodded, causing the pain in his head to intensify. Then Andrés got up and let go of Martín's hand. He increased the dose of the pain reliever as Sergio had told him.  
"It should get better soon."  
"Andrés" croaked Martín and Andrés held a glass of water in front of his mouth and helped him to take a few sips.  
"Thank you" said Martín, now in a slightly stronger voice. "What happened?... I can only remember… that… I was sitting at my desk and working on our plan... after that everything is black.”

Andrés looked at him with slightly shocked eyes. Somehow, he was relieved that Martín couldn’t remember the pain he had inflicted on him. On the other hand, it would be stupid to pretend that none of this had happened, after all it was very likely that Martín’s memories would come back soon, or Martín would figure out what had happened when he looked at his wound, after all he wasn’t stupid. Andrés was undecided what to say and in a dilemma. In general, hiding the events would be the better, less painful option for both ... but to remain silent would probably only make things worse in the end. Andrés opened his mouth, but he couldn’t decide on an answer and tears formed in his eyes. Martín looked at him confused.  
"I…. I ... It's all my fault ... I'm so sorry Martín. I wish I could go back in time to make it up to you » sobbed Andrés, crying relentlessly. Martín looked at him worriedly. He had never seen Andrés cry before. Martín concluded that his injuries must be very bad...

"Shhh… Andrés come here. I’m okay".  
Andrés knew that he didn't deserve Martín, that he had to talk to him first, but Andrés was selfish and at the moment he didn't want to end the state in which Martín didn't hate him yet. So Andrés sat back in the chair and pressed his head next to Martín into the mattress to hide his tears. Martín put his right hand in Andrés hair and gently caressed it. Martín felt moved that Andrés seemed to be very worried about him, but he didn't want Andrés to feel bad.  
«Andrés, I'm fine. Don’t worry. I also know that you would never hurt me». Then Andrés cried even louder. Martín stroked his hair soothingly and enjoyed the fact that Andrés allowed him that closeness until Martín fell asleep at some point, while his hand still rested in Andrés hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, I'm not a doctor… sorry if it was totally unrealistic ;)  
> I would really appreciate your feedback.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here is the last chapter. I hope you like it!

While Martín tenderly caressed his hair, Andrés enjoyed every touch; painfully aware that he will probably never feel those lovely fingers on him again. When the movement suddenly stopped, Andrés lifted his head slowly in order to look at Martín. He had closed his eyes and fallen asleep again. Martín’s face graced a satisfied smile. Andrés sat up again and wiped the tears from his face. He was pathetic and he had to pull himself together; as soon as Martín was awake, he had to tell him what had happened.  
Andrés got up and went to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. He took three deep breaths before he entered the kitchen and made some coffee. Several times he was thinking about how he should explain everything to Martín, but no matter how he turned the words, he couldn’t form a coherent sentence. So he sighed and went back to Martín's room, waiting for him to finally wake up.

The silence was suddenly broken when Martín shook his head and muttered incomprehensible words in his sleep. It seemed like he was having a nightmare.   
"No!" Martín screamed and Andrés heart stopped for a moment.  
"Andrés – please don't leave me," he sobbed, followed by a quiet and completely desperate “please – please – I'm sorry – please come back."   
Martín cried in his sleep while his whole body was shaking. Andrés couldn’t stand his sight anymore and shook Martín's shoulder lightly, freeing him from his nightmare.

“Shhh… Martín. Everything is okay, I'm here “.  
Martín woke up and looked perplexed at Andrés. He was still breathing heavily and sobbing. Then he quickly wiped away the tears from his cheeks, blushing slightly. Andrés gave him a caring smile while Martín was grabbing his arm tightly, only calming down again when he was sure that Andrés was really standing next to him. It seemed like Martín still didn’t understand what had happened; he still didn’t realize that his dream was actually the sad reality.  
"How do you feel?" asked Andrés bitter.  
"High… My brain is packed in cotton candy, I can’t think clearly anymore."  
Martín looked Andrés in the eyes and both remained silent for a while.  
“Andrés, I'm glad that you’re here. In my dream… you left me… I'm just glad it didn't really happen... I think I couldn't live without you”.  
His words cut like knives, intensifying Andrés feeling of guilt and shame every passing second.  
“Martín... I really need to talk to you”.  
Martín nodded slightly.  
"Just tell me what happened, my injuries can't be that bad… I'm still alive ” laughed Martín, but to his concern, Andrés didn’t laugh too. He got up and went to the left side of Martín's bed. He didn't want to remind him of all the pain for which he was responsible, fearing that Martín would never want to see him again, that he would hate him for the rest of his life and never look at him again with the same loving smile. Andrés felt sick; he was breathing heavily, trembling all over and his voice sounded unusually quiet and weak.

“What I have done is unforgivable. You just need to know that I’m infinitely sorry...“ said Andrés with trembling lips and tears in his eyes. Martín wanted to extend his left arm towards him but his arm didn't move. Instead, he felt a sharp pain in his left forearm, crying out in pain. So he lifted the blanket and looked down at his left arm that was wrapped in thick bandages. He stared at his arm and after a few seconds, he suddenly realized what had happened. He could remember every single detail because the memories flew past him like pictures. He saw Andrés kissing and leaving him, and all the pain was suddenly back again. He saw himself drinking until he passed out, destroying the whole study and cutting his arm and he remembered how good that pain and the subsequent blackness felt.  
"That wasn’t a dream?" asked Martín in a trembling voice, still hoping that his brain just played a bad joke on him; that the medication made him hallucinate and in reality, something different had happened. But Andrés nodded and lowered his head ashamed. Martín’s world collapsed and he started to cry and sob uncontrollably.  
"You bloody son of a bitch! I hate you!! I don’t need your fucking help… get out!" he spat.

“I was always by your side and did everything for you… and I didn't even ask for anything in return! I was already satisfied that I could be near you! ... You’re just a selfish motherfucker! … You destroyed me, you broke me and you knew you were going to hurt me – and yet you did it, asshole! First, you abandon me like I’m an unworthy piece of shit, and then you don't even let me die, you bloody son of a bitch!... You probably love to see me suffer, Huh? My life is pathetic and you motherfu – »  
Andrés pressed his lips against Martín’s to silence him. Because of all his tears and anger, Martín didn’t notice that Andrés had approached him. Martín felt tears dripping from above him on his own cheeks, and he opened his eyes again which he had closed unconsciously during the kiss. Andrés held Martín's face softly in his hands and whispered:   
"Martín please listen to me…"  
Martín, still overwhelmed by the kiss, remained silent because he was unable to speak.

“Martín, you’re right… I’m an idiot and you have every reason to be angry with me. And it hurts me so much that I destroyed everything. You’re right, I’m a coward… I couldn’t accept my feelings for you and I am so sorry that you had to suffer so much because of me. The kiss with you felt so wonderful. I had to think about it constantly and longed for more – for you. That's why I broke up with Tatiana. And when I found you here in the monastery, it was the most terrible moment in my life. I could never have forgiven myself if you had died…  
It opened my eyes; I realized that I need you by my side because I couldn’t live without you. You are my second half, my soulmate, the most important person in my life. I know that I can never make it up to you but you need to know that I love you; I love every single % of you with all my heart”. Andrés shortly pressed his lips against Martín's for a last time before he stood up.  
"But… I understand that you don't love me anymore, that you hate me and although it breaks my heart, I will accept your decision that you don't want to see me anymore – I don’t want to hurt more than I already did” said Andrés devastated, crying relentlessly while he walked to the door.

"Andrés… wait" whispered Martín with a undefining look on his face and Andrés turned around.  
"Look me in the eyes and swear that you're serious." Martín couldn’t believe that Andrés really confessed him his love and wasn’t just joking or telling lies.  
Andrés came closer and slowly put his hand on Martín’s head, caressing his hair softly. Martín winced, unsure if he should push him away and scream again or enjoy the wonderful touch. Andrés smiled gently and nodded.  
“I have never meant anything else so seriously. I love you!" Martín looked deep into his dark, gleaming, tearful brown eyes. It was as if he could see into his soul and he felt, that Andrés was telling the truth. His heart jumped with joy and it felt like the broken pieces had returned to their place. His heart was still cracked, but at least it was whole again. He clung to Andrés with all his remaining strength and never wanted to let go of him again.  
"Please never leave me again," sobbed Martín, who was completely exhausted from all the screaming and emotional confusion.   
"I promise you," said Andrés, kissing him gently while Martín was kissing him back.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The days went as usual; the only new thing was that Andrés no longer left Martín's side, spoiled him with many tender touches and they were kissing constantly because they couldn't get enough of each other. Both were happier than ever, but their relationship wasn't as carefree as before. Martín was still struggling to trust Andrés, and Andrés was still struggling with his feelings of guilt.

One evening, the two of them were cuddled up in bed; Andrés spread sweet kisses over Martín's body. Today, Martín had removed his bandages and the huge scar on his left forearm was visible. Andrés heart ached and he pulled Martín closer, pressing his head into Martín's hair to hide his tears. But of course, Martín immediately noticed that something was wrong.  
"Cariño, what's up?" Martín asked.  
“I'm so sorry for what I did to you. And it hurts that this thing will always be between us. I would do anything to make it right, but I know that what I have done is unforgivable”. Martín lifted Andrés head slowly, giving him a loving look.

“Andrés… what you did, really hurt me ... and I need time to rebuild trust and heal. But I'm happy to have you; it's all I've ever dreamed of and I’m sure that everything will be fine. You’re my first thought when I wake up and my last one when I fall asleep because you are my soulmate, my other half. Without you I’m incomplete, just an empty, lifeless shell. And you don't have to blame yourself anymore. I don't hate you… I could never hate you. And you should know that I forgave you the second, when you told me the truth and kissed me. And do you know why? – Because I love you and I could never stop loving you”.   
Andrés relaxed a little, breathing a sigh of relief. It was the first time that Martín had said ‘I love you’ to him since the incident; he was still very insecure and afraid of being hurt again.   
"I love you too," said Andrés and Martín kissed him tenderly.

At first, it was just a light brush of their lips. They stared at each other with fiery eyes, full of desire and love. The next kiss was a little more intense; they sucked on each other’s lips and kissed passionately. Martín rolled onto Andrés, pressing their lips tightly together running his hand through Andrés hair while he wrapped his arms around Martín’s neck and waist. Every time their tongues collided, they moaned simultaneously. Both struggled for air, but neither wanted to leave the other one’s lips, because at the moment it seemed easier to live without air than without the other's lips. The moans grew louder and they kissed even more intimate, closely intertwined. Their hearts beat in sync and they could feel their powerful bond of love.

At that moment they both knew that everything would be fine. They were meant for each other and nothing in the world could ever separate them again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3 Did you like the story?  
> I would appreciate your comment because I don’t know if I should write more stories about LCDP or not…


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